I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
