I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
