i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
