im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
