I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love having hate sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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