i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
