honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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