just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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