doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
