i need an iv and a liver transplant
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
