you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
A+ Viking dick
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
