i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
