we're blogging at a bar
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
