Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
