You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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