I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
