Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
