There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize