Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
