What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
