just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
