Already got asked if we're dating
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize