no, he came in my armpit
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
