New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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