Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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