yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
