Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
