she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
