I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
