every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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