God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All I want is dick and wine.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
