i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
