we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
