I wish my penis had an off switch
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
