Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
