Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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