STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
