remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
