first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
