Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
