I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
