We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
