oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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