cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
