Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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