Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
