Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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