she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
