:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I faked an abortion last night.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
