I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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