he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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