stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
