if i can run in heels then i can drive
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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