He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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