Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
